Hey loves and welcome back to another addition of Single Lady Saturday! Have you ever gone through a series of relationships and determined your standards of men from the past lessons you’ve dealt with ? I have, big time. Truthfully, it came during a fresh breakup where I truly started to see what I needed in a man in order for me to completely submit myself to him.
I’ve taken my last three relationships and compiled a list of Do’s and Don’ts that I require and would prefer in a man outside of looks. Surprisingly, all of the Don’ts that were skipped over in the past were completely my fault due to me focusing more on the positive aspects of the man. In most cases, that’s a good thing until you begin to compromise your list in order to keep the relationship together. Numerous times, I’ve seen warning signs and ignored them because the good outweighed the bad; in reality, those signs were the ones I needed to pay attention to and run for the hills. When you’re in love with the idea of what you want, you lose sight of who the person is and what they truly can/cannot give you. With that being said, you can overlook the person’s inability or unwillingness to give you the things you need in a relationship- which is painful, but it’s helpful. Learning this was difficult, but after spewing my feelings to a man I was in love with only to see him switch his relationship status to “In a Relationship” and posted photos of his new girl- I got the hint pretty quickly that I wasn’t in the right place at the right time, so I thought.
Having known how much I put into the idea of The One made me realize the essence of me and that alone is powerful. The emotion and passion that was awakened in me was incredible and I felt more balanced than ever before. It sucked to know the man I thought would be mine for the rest of my life turned out to be the man who taught me the biggest lesson so far. I’m thankful for the struggle and pain of the ordeal, honestly. In a way, he forced me to readjust my crown and resume my thrown as I know how by taking people for who they really are. Regardless of their promises- actions are literally everything. My favorite rules are:
- “Every mistake made more than once is a decision.”
- “If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, then 9/10 it’s a duck.”
Seem like common sense, right? I said the same thing until I realized that I would overlook those rules just to continue with my relationship of the ideal of what I thought I wanted in my life. I can admit my faults and say my issue with men isn’t that my standards are impossibly high, but that I overlook too many things and accept certain aspects of him to keep the relationship together. I can also say that my standard of men has been raised higher than it ever has before; is it impossible? No, but the only man eligible to win me over have to be ready to work for me.
Overall, this learning process has been the most painful situation I’ve ever had to deal with and it sucks. The sleepless nights, wondering what he’s doing, doubting myself, dealing with my insecurities, etc.. was all worth the lessons that I’ve learned. I wasn’t ready for the next step nor was I with the man who would take that step with me without hesitation. For now, I’m focusing on self-development and making sure my career is set exactly how I want it to in order to reach my personal level of wholeness; Relationships will be on the back burner for a while. Besides, the man I date next isn’t competing with another man but the peace I have with myself while I’m by myself.
Life isn’t perfect and neither am I. I’m just here to try and share thoughts, frustrations, and sometimes answers to help someone else from dealing with the issues I’ve dealt with. Hopefully this helped someone or even can relate to anything you’re going through. Just remember that the frustration is temporary and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel that you’ll be thankful for.
Can anyone relate to today’s Single Lady topic? If so, let me know down below in the comment section. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed sharing it. There are more posts coming soon, so stay tuned for more!
Talk to you later,
Leah La’Rae 😘
PinTheCity 